I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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