eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
