Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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