i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
