How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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