shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
