And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
