I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
