He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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