Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she peed on how many people?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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