I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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