Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
