So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
