So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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