im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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