When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
