my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
