dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
