Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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