no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
