so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
