you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I could fuck to npr.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
