She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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