i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
