last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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