My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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