things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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