Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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