Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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