The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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