So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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