Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
