and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
