I'm so fucking centered right now
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
