kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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