I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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