# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
