Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
