Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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