I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just found a bag of teeth...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
