nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
