she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
