Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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