Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
