just come out here and I will go home with you...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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