i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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