Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
