I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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