Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
