I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
